Beware the Purple People Pleasers
Let me introduce you to the undecided voters who are about to decide your fate.
When you live somewhere like Iowa, you learn to speak two languages. I can feel a shift in my demeanor when I’m talking to someone I perceive (or know) to be a republican. I can’t avoid them — the houses on my street are practically red/blue/red/blue — but I put up my guard and choose my words a little more carefully. The masters of this, though, are the purple people. The people who ride out elections in the middle, never overtly expressing any political beliefs. In a state like Iowa that’s polling within the margin of error, these are the people who are about to decide my (and your) fate.
Media outlets are fascinated by these undecided folks, but I’m not. I’ve known them my entire life, and I understand what drives them. Their driving force is politeness. No matter how ugly things get, these are the people who will bend and adapt to avoid causing a stir — any stir — with anyone. It’s the reason mask suggestions exist where mask mandates should be. (Iowa has never had a mask mandate.) You’ve decided you’re opposed to putting a 4-inch-by-4-inch piece of cloth on your face? No problem, we’ll find a way to accommodate you. We wouldn’t want to be a bother.
These are the people who find an endless supply of generic motivational quotes to share on Facebook while a racial reckoning is happening around them. When they do speak candidly — if you can get them to — they say they’re opposed to violence. But it’ll dawn on you slowly that when they use that word, they’re actually referring to looting. When politeness is your main character trait, you view breaking the window of an empty store as an act of violence.
They’re like a black hole in the middle of an Iowa cornfield, pulling your words and everything else toward the center just by their presence.
Being accommodating to all political parties gives them a currency of sorts. If they’re business owners, they don’t risk scaring anyone off. If they’re on a committee, they’re usually one of the popular people. They’re just so friendly, after all. Don’t mistake their politeness for humbleness; they’re polite in a holier-than-thou way. They look down on both sides, rolling their eyes and smiling, cozy right in the center.
They can’t feel themselves shifting further and further to the right. But it is what they must do to stay in the middle. They snuggle up to sexism. Get comfy with a little racism. Shush anyone who’s being a little too loud about either one.
Politeness, where I live, gives you the moral high ground. If you’re feeling angry at these people — and you probably should — at least understand how adaptive it is to turn purple in a swing state. For one thing, they don’t have to worry about fighting with their neighbors. And if your signs get vandalized (something that’s happening more and more in my town, according to my Facebook feed) and purple people live on your street, they will likely be the ones who will loudly defend you — no matter which signs you have. In fact, the vandalism reminds them a little bit of looting. And they don’t have the ability to distinguish between looting motivated by racial injustice and vandalism committed by an angry white dude in a red hat.
Don’t worry — they’ve adapted to social distancing, in words if not in practice. The phrase sounds so gentle that they don’t mind using it. But they’re the ones who have sucked all the meaning out of it. It couldn’t possibly mean asking people not to gather and do whatever they please, right? Our governor sure doesn’t think so. No, that would be borderline rude. It must mean tossing the phrase around willy-nilly because it doesn’t offend the right and it appeases the left a little bit.
Good luck confronting a purple person; they’ve insulted themselves pretty efficiently. You’ll probably look like the jerk by comparison, even if you’re arguing for a noble cause. They’re like a black hole in the middle of an Iowa cornfield, pulling your words and everything else toward the center just by their presence.
I’ve watched candidates roll into my town to try to lure these people for months. It’s frustrating to watch because the purple people love being lured. They know they hold the fate of the country in their hands, and they think that’s where it belongs. They get along with everyone, so who else but them should decide? But most of all, they can’t wait for everyone to just shush.
